I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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