In the future we'll all be gay
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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