is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
