Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have post one night stand depression
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