i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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