Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
