a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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