I've blown a few things in my day
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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