my mouth tastes like poor choices
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
