Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
