We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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