If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
