I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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