No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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