we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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