just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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