a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
