We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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