i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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