i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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