new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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