I looked at my own cervix.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
