He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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