last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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