I love black thongs
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
