By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well you can't waste a boner
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
