i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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