Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
