Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
