Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
