its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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