So drunk its hurt
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
