that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
