I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
