You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
