sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
