I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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