Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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