yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
