I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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