I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
