I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
