Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
