I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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