I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
