Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
