That's when you crack a 10am beer
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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