We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
