Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
