Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
