Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
