If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
