You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
