a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
